So I am finally getting the hang of Photoshop...my proof...look at the the below layout I made about Kalla being pregnant and a mother to be and how that makes me feel!
I love you Kalla and am looking forward to seeing you (less than 4 weeks!)

Christmas Re-Caps

First off...I can't believe today is the last day of 2006...I will soon post on all the highlights of '06! Christmas was great...cool presents...some unexpected:
  • Adobe Photoshops Elements 5.0 (I had wanted this for the last few months but wasn't expecting it for Christmas, thanks MeHun)
  • Ali Edwards' book and calendar (my favorite scrapbooker!!!!!!)

  • Lots of scrapbooking products: paper--I have way too much, but I love it; rubber stamps and inks; stickers--especially the ABC ones; and more!!!!!!!

I have been working with my Photoshop and am starting to get it--I am one of those people who just plays with it to figure it out! Below you will find two layouts I created with it!


It Broke!

My camera went kaput yesterday. So sad...I had taken it to work to take pictures of the last day of one of the kids, I took pics and it was working fine, I turned it off and later went to take more and the lens would not open and the camera screen was frozen on the opening picture. Nothing could be done, I tried to change batteries, I tried to pry the lens open....nothing, I got home and Keith tried...nothing. And to make matters worse...my pics from yesterday are on the memory card and because the camera is broken...I can't get them off!

Lucky for me my husband works at Best Buy...in the digital imaging area...and gets a great discount! So now we start saving and I get to shop! Keith agreed that since I take the majority of pics the new camera will be mine and I get to look for a midline camera, a slight upgrade from what we have now. So bad news...becomes good news!


Coming in August...

I will be an aunt, Keith an uncle, Sara an aunt, Zach an uncle, Mom and Dad grandparents, Mimi and Papa/Grandma and Grandpa great-grandparents, Grandma McLaughlin a great-great grandma!
It is true...Kalla and Chris are having a baby sometime in August...due date unknown until she goes to the doctor. Very excited to think that there will be a little baby in this family and excited to be an aunt. I am already thinking of all the things I want to buy and do with the baby!
Kalla and Chris congratulations on baby Ronning...Chris take care of Kalla and don't let her do too much...Kalla let Chris take care of you and spoil you!
Can't wait to see you in January!


Happy Birthday...

Happy 6th Birthday, K'Von!
I hope you had a great day with tons of special celebrating...just for you!


Moving on...

Tonight I did one of the toughest things I've had to do since knowing the kids were leaving...I unwrapped their Christmas gifts and sorted them by what can be given away now and what needs to be kept because I don't know what to do with it. One of things...a stuffed monkey that has the velcro arms and legs that was for KeAwn...I have hanging on my bed as a memory! It has been hard...it was hard to go over to my parents' house on Sunday and not have three screaming children running around.
And now my parents are fighting this...if not to get the kids back to at least fight the injustice that was done to our family. There are so many things about this situation that were done wrong to us and to the kids.
There isn't a minute that goes bye that I don't think about them...did they eat enough at dinner, since Grandpa didn't want to know preferences/dislikes; did they go to bed okay, again Grandpa doesn't know the ritual.
When does the pain and questioning stop---will it ever? I will for the rest of my life acknowledge that I have three siblings who were taken from me!
K'Von, K'Liyah, and KeAwn--I love you so much!


The world continues spinning

So life does go on...but it will never be the same. That part of me has been ripped out and I have no way to glue it back together. I miss them more than I could ever think...I said my good byes, but I admit they weren't ready for them and there was resistance which made it that much more difficult to walk away. Now the clean up phase begins...I some how try to piece my life back together to a resemblance of normality--still not sure what that is with me--and I live life. I live with joy, not that there won't be pain, but I live knowing that the good will always reveal.


The $1,000,000 question...why?

Why...after over two years can this be happening? How can love be ripped away like that and how can I be expected to survive? Why did I have to fall in love with them? Why, Why, Why? I want the $1,000,000 answer...why would He choose to take them away?
I got the call at work today...Sara said that the kids were going to live with their grandpa and they would be leaving tomorrow...yes, as in today is Thursday, December 7, 2006 and tomorrow is Friday, December 8, 2006 and the kids will no longer be part of our family. I have so many questions, I have so many things still to say.
I am at my mom and dad's right now...waiting until bedtime to say good-bye, but all they know is that they are spending the night at grandpa's tomorrow...but even that is not going over too well with any of them. There is not enough time tonight to say all the good-byes I NEED to say. Keith can;t be here to say good-bye or to hold me and tell me it's okay, Kalla isn't here to make the good-bye complete, I see Zach crumbling before my eyes...and I don't have the answers to make it ok. How can I comfort them, if I can't even tell my things to make it okay.
So now I say good-bye, even though the ones who need to hear it and understand think it is only until the next time I come to see them.
K'Von--you may have been wild, but you always had a soft side to cuddle with and I love you and will miss you more than I can ever say.

K'Liyah--you are such a girly girl, but was always a riot to be with...once you trusted someone you gave your love so greatly...I will truly miss you and the way you always asked me where Keith was.
KeAwn--you were spoiled, but you were the ham of the bunch...you would do most anything for a laugh!