A Year Later

It has been one year since I found my world shaken to the core. To find that one of the most important women in my life would never be there again. A year of grieving from time to time...songs that would make me cry, TV story lines that had me bawling like a baby, and writing memories that had me curled up on the floor sobbing for an hour.

I know that people say it takes time, but I don't think that time has come yet. I saw a picture that Kalla had posted on Facebook a couple weeks ago and it was harder now than it was then. I think the reality that she will never be here again is becoming a reality.

There is so much that I think about that she will never be a part of and the things she instilled in me that I will be responsible for passing on. As I am writing I am holding back tears that I know if I let come may not stop for quite awhile. I see her in so many of the things I enjoy and do, and I struggle with knowing that I am alone in them, that her being there is just a memory.

*This woman was the one who taught me to love coffee, though what she introduced me to was milk and sugar with a bit of coffee. :)

*This woman introduced to me a world of reading...buying books, introducing me to books, discussing books with me.

*This woman knew that my favorite breakfast was scrambled eggs with ketchup and toast topped with cinnamon sugar...and made it for me every morning I was there.

*This woman tried to be a part of all my interests...she was my loudest cheerleader at school plays, she watched Schindler's List with me when I was fascinated with learning about the Holocaust.

*This woman was so protective she would not go to her friend's house across unless I was with--even as a teenager.

*This woman would still let me sit on her lap even when I become too busy to visit.

*This woman sent a funny birthday card every year--mostly through email!

*This woman gave me a mom who was loving and caring.

A year later I am still sad to know that my children will never get to sit in her lap and hear her tell stories of the crazy things I did. I will never have a picture of my children with her. I have the responsibility of instilling in my children all she did for me. They will never see how goofy and crazy she was. I struggle to remember what her voice sounds like, not the way she was at the end but how she was as I grew.

I grieve that when she was sick, I didn't take the time to visit, because I thought I had time. I didn't want to believe that the cancer would win and in the end it didn't. She won...she became pain-free and got to go home.

So, today I remember how great she was and celebrate that she is happy, but just know, Mimi I love you and miss you!

Mimi

Monday was hard...to hear those words she is gone...to know I was not here to say good-bye. I rejoice in the fact that I know she is somewhere better...there is no pain and tears and she is rejoicing in that.
Tomorrow is the family wake...very difficult to see the family and say goodbye.
Thursday is the visitation.
Friday the funeral.
Very emotional days to come, but many memories and stories to share!

Mimi I miss you and look forward to celebrating with you again one day!Mimi being feisty with Zach...she was one feisty lady!


Mimi and Papa with Keith and I at our wedding
Mimi and Papa together...45 years they were married


Mimi and Papa again

Mimi with Caidan...when she first became sick she did everything she could to still help with Caidan.