A Year Later

It has been one year since I found my world shaken to the core. To find that one of the most important women in my life would never be there again. A year of grieving from time to time...songs that would make me cry, TV story lines that had me bawling like a baby, and writing memories that had me curled up on the floor sobbing for an hour.

I know that people say it takes time, but I don't think that time has come yet. I saw a picture that Kalla had posted on Facebook a couple weeks ago and it was harder now than it was then. I think the reality that she will never be here again is becoming a reality.

There is so much that I think about that she will never be a part of and the things she instilled in me that I will be responsible for passing on. As I am writing I am holding back tears that I know if I let come may not stop for quite awhile. I see her in so many of the things I enjoy and do, and I struggle with knowing that I am alone in them, that her being there is just a memory.

*This woman was the one who taught me to love coffee, though what she introduced me to was milk and sugar with a bit of coffee. :)

*This woman introduced to me a world of reading...buying books, introducing me to books, discussing books with me.

*This woman knew that my favorite breakfast was scrambled eggs with ketchup and toast topped with cinnamon sugar...and made it for me every morning I was there.

*This woman tried to be a part of all my interests...she was my loudest cheerleader at school plays, she watched Schindler's List with me when I was fascinated with learning about the Holocaust.

*This woman was so protective she would not go to her friend's house across unless I was with--even as a teenager.

*This woman would still let me sit on her lap even when I become too busy to visit.

*This woman sent a funny birthday card every year--mostly through email!

*This woman gave me a mom who was loving and caring.

A year later I am still sad to know that my children will never get to sit in her lap and hear her tell stories of the crazy things I did. I will never have a picture of my children with her. I have the responsibility of instilling in my children all she did for me. They will never see how goofy and crazy she was. I struggle to remember what her voice sounds like, not the way she was at the end but how she was as I grew.

I grieve that when she was sick, I didn't take the time to visit, because I thought I had time. I didn't want to believe that the cancer would win and in the end it didn't. She won...she became pain-free and got to go home.

So, today I remember how great she was and celebrate that she is happy, but just know, Mimi I love you and miss you!

Day 30...Better Late than Never

Finally posting day 30! I finished the challenge!

Day 30--Monday, August 30, 2010
Tank: Old Navy via Outlet
Cardi: Target
Pants: Old Navy via Thrift Store
Shoes: Payless via Thrift Store (not pictured)

Catch-up: Days 26-29

I have been super busy and not able to post...but I have to get these up before the challenge is up!

Day 26--Thursday, August 26, 2010
Top: Ann Taylor via Thrift Store
Capris: Wal-Mart
Shoes: Crocs via Outlet
Scarf: Forever 21

As I have learned throughout the challenge, these pants are not high enough on the waist to successfully be pulled off with the shirt.

Day 27--Friday, August 27, 2010
*No pic--today was one of those come home and get in my pajamas. Being a girl sucks!
Tank: Old Navy via Outlet
Cardi: Target via Thrift Store
Pants: Ann Taylor via Thrift Store
Shoes: Target
Necklace: Claires

I wore navy and brown today and I liked it!

Day 28--Saturday, August 28, 2010
*No pic--no excuse, I just forgot!
Capris: Old Navy via Thrift Store
Tank: Old Navy via Outlet
Shoes: Old Navy
T-shirt @ Car Wash: Compass

Comfort was the key since I was at the car wash in the morning!

Day 29--Sunday, August 29, 2010
Tank: Target
Skirt: Aero
Cardi: Target (not pictured)
Shoes: Old Navy
Necklace: Forever 21

I love this skirt more and more each time I wear it!

Day 2 of change

Today was a day of no exercise...I had to be at work at 6:30!

Breakfast was a banana, dry multigrain cheerios and a glass of milk.
Lunch was a grilled chicken breast, grilled peppers and squash, and garlic green beans from Whole Foods. Raspberry water too!
Dinner was a gyro and saratoga chips with water.
Dinner may have done me in for. Today was one of those days...being a girl made me feel like crap all day. After working 10.5 hours, then grocery shopping...I needed comfort food, for me that is a gyro! Dessert was an Amish Chocolate Chip Cookie Sandwich from Jungle Jim's with milk!

We'll see at weigh-in tomorrow if it really affected me!

25 accomplished...almost done!

Day 25--Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Top: Target
Skirt: Old Navy via Outlet
Shoes: Target
Belt: ???

I loved the belt over the shirt! I have amazed myself on how I have tried new things and most of them have been successful.

24 done!

Day 24--Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Tank: Old Navy
Cardi: Forever 21
Pants: Old Navy via Thrift Store
Shoes: Steve Maddens via Thrift Store

I loved this outfit. Black and yellow usually makes someone look like a bumblebee! But the gray balances it all out and just looks fun!

Day 1 of change

I got up and exercised!
I walked for 30 minutes and did 10 minutes on the StairMaster. How do I feel...tired, but physically I am energized. I feel good that I did something healthy and something that makes me feel better.

Breakfast this morning consisted of a protein bar, banana, and a cup of OJ!
Lunch this afternoon lean cuisine meal, side salad, yogurt, and raspberry flavored water.
Dinner was a french bread pizza and fresh pear with peppermint iced tea.
I cheated by having some fresh baked chocolate chip cookies too!

Interrupted break...

One thing I have learned through this 30 day challenge...I love my clothes, but certain ones bring attention to body parts/features that I would rather hide.
Most of these parts/features I do not like can be fixed with exercise and healthy eating.
My little sister, who is a huge inspiration to me is chronicling her weight lost here. So to support Sara and feel better about myself, I am going to change the way I do things. Each day I am going to try to chronicle my weight, eating habits, and exercise. Some days I will do great, others I will probably fail.
Along with this change, I have set goals like Sara. New workout shoes, a pedicure, and a new outfit (not from the thrift store :).

So here is where I began. I want to weigh 115 by December 31, 2010. I came to this number after researching what weight is appropriate for my body type/build. Today I weigh 127.

The plan/rewards:
123--I buy new workout shoes.
119--I get a pedicure.
115--I buy myself a new outfit.

Week 3 Review

This week was a good week! I look at the pictures and like what I see. No real improvements needing to be made.

Favorites this week: Day 15--wearing a dress as a shirt, a first! and Day 16...how I had always envisioned wearing this shirt!
Least favorite: None really, though Day 18 may have been the most questionable this week.

Twenty-Three

Day 23--Monday, August 23, 2010
Top: Gap
Skirt: Target
Shoes: Target
Scarf: Forever 21

I loved this! The scarf as a belt, hid the high waist giving the ensemble a different look. The scarf hid my waist too, which is always a plus!
Last time I wore this sweater tucked in, I was not a fan...today I loved it! I opted to tie the belt over the belt loops instead of through...being able to hide the things I did not like.

Two-Two!

Day 22--Sunday, August 22, 2010
Tank: Target
Shorts: Wal-Mart
Shoes: Target
Cardi: Forever 21 (not pictured)
Scarf: Forever 21

I destroyed my makeshift tri-pod and was too lazy to fix it. So a mirror shot it was. This was one of those outfits that I thought was cute on, but when I saw the pic I loved it!
It was perfect for all I did today and having the cardi made it versatile for indoors/outdoors!

Forever 21 with no pic!

Day 21--Saturday, August 21, 2010
There is no picture!
Keith and I spent the day together and then had to clean the house...so I changed into cleaning clothes...forgetting I needed a pic.
But I wore today:
Dress: Forever 21 via Thrift Store
Cardi: Forever 21
Shoes: Old Navy

COMFORTABLE was key today!

Ten..TWENTY!

Day 20--Friday, August 20, 2010
Tank: Old Navy via Outlet
Cardi: Forever 21
Capris: Wal-Mart
Shoes: Payless via Thrift Store
Belt: ???
Necklace: Kohls

This outfit was comfy and being 2/3 of the way through comfy is key! The khaki and gray combo was nice too!

Number 19--Happy Anniversary!

Day 19--Thursday, August 19, 2010
Tank: Old Navy via Outlet
Cardi: Target
Skirt: Gap via Thrift Store
Shoes: Aerosoles via Thrift Store

Today was my 5th anniversary!
I loved the color combo in the outfit, neutral with the navy and white and a pop of color with the cardi.
Not sure what happened to the pic. I had a head and then it disappeared!

Legal at 18

Day 18--Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Tank: Target
Top: Tank
Capris: Forever 21
Shoes: Payless via Thrift Store
Necklace: Handmade by Me

This is my casual work outfit. No tucking in, just comfy and wearable.

17 again

Day 17--Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Top: Old Navy via Outlet
Skirt: Old Navy via Outlet
Shoes: Payless via Thrift Store

Wearing this all day I was unsure of what it looked like, but the picture makes it look good!

Look Back on Days 8-14

Favorite of Week 2: Day 12--I loved the gray and green combo!
Least Favorite, Wish I Could Re-do of Week 2: Day 10, just not loving the look together.

Sweet Sixteen

Day 16--Monday, August 16, 2010
Top: Ann Taylor via Thrift Store
Pants: Ann Taylor via Thrift Store
Shoes: Target
Belt: Kohls

This is how this top was meant to be worn, remember week 1 when it did not work as planned to tuck it in? Solution: High waisted pants and I loved the outcome. See the glasses on my head, this happens a lot...I forget they are there!

Half Way There--FIFTEEN!

Day 15--Sunday, August 15, 2010
Dress: Forever 21 via Thrift Store
Cardi: Target via Thrift Store
Skirt: Old Navy via Outlet
Shoes: Target

I loved wearing the dress as a top. It was the perfect structure and fit to accompany the skirt!

Four...teen

Day 14--Saturday, August 14, 2010
Tank: Target
Shorts: Old Navy via Thrift Store
Shoes: Crocs via Outlet

It was a hot day and I was running errands, attending meetings, and just getting stuff done!