2.12.2006

Fear of Who I Have Become

I wake up in the morning and sometimes I am so fed up with who I am and what I do. There are things I see in myself that I despise in other people, but I don't know how to change that. I am judgemental and critical, I can be too emotional and becoming a blubbering fool.
I wonder how we get to this place? How do we become whhat we have always disliked in other people? I want to be proud and supportive of those I love, but lately I have made them feel worthless, which in return makes me feel worthless. There are people that I believe I am better than and with that belief I hurt them, even if they don't see it.
This has been hard to accept, but repeatedly God has shown me these "bad seeds" in my life, but He won;t do anything about it until I let Him. So now, I am ready to give it to Him. I am ready to become that woman that God has intended me to be all along. Will I be perfect? Never. I can, though, begin to live as God has intended me to.
I want to wake up in the morning and be proud of who I am. I want to see the mistakes and change them into something good. I want to be happy with who I am, because it is who God has made me to be and not something that I have let myself become.